Sad News Today

It is with the saddest heart that we must pass on the following news.

Please join us in remembering a great icon of the entertainment
community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, The California Raisins, Betty Crocker, The Hostess Twinkies, and Cap'n Crunch.

The graveside was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never know how much he was kneaded.

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, and spent much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky in his youth and a crusty old man, he was considered a roll model for millions. Doughboy is survived by this wife, Play Dough, two children, John and Jane Dough, plus the bun they had in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.