Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which
readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. And
this year's winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question ! on an exam.
12. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish
expressions.
14. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a
proctologist immediately before he examines you.
15. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
Hawk