A trivia Question

Don't know the origin of these. Just got 'em in an email.

*Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00
a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian
backwards: NAIVE

*Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a
peeing section in a swimming pool?

*OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as
the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs"
what does that make the Tennessee Titans ?

*If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does
that mean that one enjoys it?

*There are three religious truths:
1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the
Christian faith.
3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at
Hooters

*If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,
does he become disoriented?

*If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
Holland called Holes?

*Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?

*Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

*If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

*If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

*When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts"
and you put your two cents in what happens to the other penny?

*Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

*Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale
bread to begin with?

*When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

*Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person
who drives a race car not called a racist?

*Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

*Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

*Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

*I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the
English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

*If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it
follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys
deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners
depressed?

*If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

*Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

*What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

*I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
more as they get older; then it dawned on me
they're cramming for their final exam.

*I thought about how mothers feed their babies with
tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers
use? Toothpicks?

*Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What
are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their
pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them
while they deliver the mail?

*If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly
are the others here for?

*You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

*No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

*Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't
zigzag?

*Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door
went nuts.

*If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

*Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

>*OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as
>the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the
>"Bucs"
>what does that make the Tennessee Titans ?
>

Ten T-ts

LAST EDITED ON Feb-26-03 AT 03:24 PM (CDT)
 
More items to ponder (More Wrightisms)...

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

How can Hawaii have Interstate highways?

Why is it that no matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature?

Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there.

If 7 Eleven stays open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year why do they have locks on their doors?

What's another word for Thesaurus?

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

So what's the speed of dark?

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?

If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar."

If you melt dry ice, can you take a bath without getting wet?"

If your foot falls asleep during the day does that mean it's going to be up all night?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song

>More items to ponder (More Wrightisms)...
>
>
>So what's the speed of dark?
>

Dark is faster than light!

Dark Suckers
Bell Labs Proves Existence of Dark Suckers

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light. However,
recent information from Bell Labs has proven otherwise. Electric bulbs
don't emit light, they suck dark. Thus they now call these bulbs dark
suckers. The dark sucker theory, according to a Bell Labs spokesperson,
proves the existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier than that of
light, and that dark is faster than light.

The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. Take
for example, the dark suckers in the room where you are. There is less dark
right next to them than there is elsewhere. The larger the dark sucker, the
greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark suckers in a parking lot have a
much greater capacity than the ones in this room. As with all things, dark
suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer
suck. This is proven by the black spot on a full dark sucker. A candle is a
primitive dark sucker. lA new candle has a white wick. You will notice that
after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark which
has been sucked into it. If you hold a pencil next to the wick of an
operating candle, the tip will turn black because it got in the path of the
dark flowing into the candle.

Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have a very limited range.
There are also portable dark suckers. The bulbs in these can't handle all
of the dark by themselves, and must be aided by a dark storage unit. When
the dark storage unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before
the portable dark sucker can operate again.

Dark has mass. When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction from this mass
generates heat. Thus it is not wise to touch an operating dark sucker.
Candles present a special problem, as the dark must travel in the solid
wick instead of through glass. This generates a great amount of heat. Thus
it can be very dangerous to touch an operating candle. Dark is also heavier
than light. If you swim deeper and deeper, you notice it gets slowly darker
and darker. When you reach a depth of approximately fifty feet, you are in
total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the
lake and the lighter light floats to the top. The immense power of dark can
be utilized to mans advantage. We can collect the dark that has settled to
the bottom of lakes and push it through turbines, which generate
electricity and help push it to the ocean where it may be safely stored.
Prior to turbines, it was much more difficult to get dark from the rivers
and lakes to the ocean. The Indians recognized this problem, and tried to
solve it. When on a river in a canoe travelling in the same direction as
the flow of the dark, they paddled slowly, so as not to stop the flow of
dark, but when they traveled against the flow of dark, they paddled quickly
so as to help push the dark along its way.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand
in an illuminated room in front of a closed, dark closet, then slowly open
the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet, but since
the dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the
closet.

In conclusion, Bell Labs stated that dark suckers make all our lives much
easier. So the next time you look at an electric bulb remember that it is
indeed a dark sucker.

Author Unknown

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