2- Borrow money from pessimists - they don't
expect it back.
3- Half the people you know are below average.
4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6- A conscience is what hurts when all your
other parts feel so good.
7- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a
bad memory.
8- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up
with the rain.
9- All those who believe in psycho-kinesis,
raise my hand.
10- The early bird may get the worm, but the
second mouse gets the cheese.
11- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she
left me before we met.
12- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14- If everything seems to be going well, you
have obviously overlooked something.
15- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16- When everything is coming your way, you're
in the wrong lane.
17- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having
enough sense to be lazy.
18- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness
pays off now.
19- I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.
20- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her
friends?
21- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get
sucked into jet engines.
22- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair
your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all
evidence that you tried.
26- A conclusion is the place where you got
tired of thinking.
27- Experience is something you don't get until
just after you need it.
28- The hardness of the butter is proportional
to the softness of the bread.
29- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal
fromm many is research.
30- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no
lifeguard.
31- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to
catch up.
32- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to
be on it.
33- Everyone has a photographic memory, some
just don't have film!
In the battle of airplane V ground, the ground is yet to lose.