slopes as written by a New Orleans paper: A friend just got back from a
holiday skiing trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles
of anybody's heart. Conditions were perfect...12 below, no feeling in the
toes, basic numbness all over...the "Tell me when we're having fun" kind
of day.
One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in
dire need of a rest room. He told her not to worry, that he was sure there
was relief waiting at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for
female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the pain did not
go away.
If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you know that
a temperature of 12 below doesn't help matters. With time running out, the
woman weighed her options. Her husband, picking up on the intensity of the
pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all-white ski outfit, she
should go off in the woods and no one would even notice. He assured her,
"The white will provide more than adequate camouflage." So she headed for
the tree line, began lowering her ski pants and proceeded to do her thing.
If you've ever parked on the side of a slope, then you know there is a
right way and wrong way to set your skis so you don't move. Yup, you got
it!! She had them positioned the wrong way. Steep slopes are not
forgiving...even during the most embarrassing moments.
Without warning, the woman found herself skiing backward, out-of-control,
racing through the trees...somehow missing all of them and onto another
slope. Her derriere and the reverse side were still bare, her pants down
around her knees, and she was picking up speed all the while. She
continued backwards, totally out-of-control, creating an unusual vista for
the other skiers. The woman skied back under the lift and finally collided
violently with a pylon. The bad news was that she broke her arm and was
unable to pull up her ski pants.
At long last her husband arrived, putting an end to her nudie show, then
summoned the ski patrol. They transported her to a hospital. While in the
emergency room, a man with an obviously broken leg was put in the bed next
to hers. "So, how'd you break your leg?" she asked, making small talk.
"It was the stupidest thing you ever saw," he said. "I was riding up this
ski lift and suddenly, I couldn't believe my eyes! There was this crazy
woman skiing backward, out-of-control, down the mountain, with her bare
bottom hanging out of her pants. I leaned over to get a better look and
fell out of the lift."
"So, how'd you break your arm?"