2005 Darwin Awards
>
> Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when
> the Darwin Awards are
> bestowed, honoring the least Evolved among us. Here
> then, are the
> glorious winners.
>
> Darwin Award Winners:
>
> 1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at
> his intended victim
> during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be
> robber James Elliot
> did something that can only inspire wonder. He
> peered down the barrel
> and tried the trigger again. This time it
> worked..... And now, the
> honorable mentions:
>
> 2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger
> in a meat cutting
> machine and, after a little hopping around,
> submitted a claim to his
> insurance company. The company, suspecting
> negligence, sent out one of its
> men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine
> and lost a finger
> The chef's claim was approved.
>
> 3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a
> space for his car
> during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his
> Vehicle to find a woman
> had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
>
> 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a
> Zimbabwean bus driver
> found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to
> be transporting
> from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to
> admit his
> incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop
> and offered everyone
> waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the
> passengers to the
> mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients
> were very excitable
> and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't
> discovered for 3
> days.
>
> 5. An American teenager was in the hospital
> recovering from serious head
> wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked
> how he received the
> injuries, the lad told police that he was simply
> trying to see how close
> he could get his head to a moving train before he
> was hit.
>
> 6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20
> bill on the
> counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened
> the cash drawer,
> the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in
> the register, which
> the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash
> from the clerk and
> fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total
> amount of cash he
> got from the drawer..$15. (If someone points a gun
> at you and gives you
> money, is a crime committed?)
>
> 7. A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing
> a ski mask and
> carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the
> thief yelled,
> "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A F***-UP!" For a
> moment, everyone
> was silent. Then the sniggers started. The security
> guard completely
> lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved
> his life, because
> he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have
> drawn and fired before
> the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still
> at large. In memory
> of the event, the banker later put a plaque on the
> wall engraved with
> the words, "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a
> ****-up!"
>
> 8. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty
> badly. He decided that
> he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store
> window, grab some
> booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and
> heaved it over his head
> at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit
> the would-be thief
> on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor
> store window was made
> of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on
> videotape.
>
> 9. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience
> store, a man
> grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911
> immediately, and the
> woman was able to give them a detailed description
> of the snatcher.
> Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher.
> They put him in the
> car and drove back to the store. The thief was then
> taken out of the car
> and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which
> he replied, "Y es,
> officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the
> purse from."
>
> 10. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a
> man walked into a
> Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m.,
> flashed a gun, and
> demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he
> said he couldn't
> open the cash register without a food order. When
> the man ordered onion
> rings, the clerk said they weren't available for
> breakfast. The man,
> frustrated, walked away.
>
> A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
>
> 11. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a
> motor home parked on
> a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained
> for. Police arrived
> at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next
> to a motor home near
> spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man
> admitted to
> trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose
> into the motor
> home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the
> vehicle declined to
> press charges, saying that it was the best laugh
> he'd ever had!
>
> Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when
> the Darwin Awards are
> bestowed, honoring the least Evolved among us. Here
> then, are the
> glorious winners.
>
> Darwin Award Winners:
>
> 1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at
> his intended victim
> during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be
> robber James Elliot
> did something that can only inspire wonder. He
> peered down the barrel
> and tried the trigger again. This time it
> worked..... And now, the
> honorable mentions:
>
> 2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger
> in a meat cutting
> machine and, after a little hopping around,
> submitted a claim to his
> insurance company. The company, suspecting
> negligence, sent out one of its
> men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine
> and lost a finger
> The chef's claim was approved.
>
> 3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a
> space for his car
> during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his
> Vehicle to find a woman
> had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
>
> 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a
> Zimbabwean bus driver
> found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to
> be transporting
> from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to
> admit his
> incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop
> and offered everyone
> waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the
> passengers to the
> mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients
> were very excitable
> and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't
> discovered for 3
> days.
>
> 5. An American teenager was in the hospital
> recovering from serious head
> wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked
> how he received the
> injuries, the lad told police that he was simply
> trying to see how close
> he could get his head to a moving train before he
> was hit.
>
> 6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20
> bill on the
> counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened
> the cash drawer,
> the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in
> the register, which
> the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash
> from the clerk and
> fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total
> amount of cash he
> got from the drawer..$15. (If someone points a gun
> at you and gives you
> money, is a crime committed?)
>
> 7. A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing
> a ski mask and
> carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the
> thief yelled,
> "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A F***-UP!" For a
> moment, everyone
> was silent. Then the sniggers started. The security
> guard completely
> lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved
> his life, because
> he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have
> drawn and fired before
> the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still
> at large. In memory
> of the event, the banker later put a plaque on the
> wall engraved with
> the words, "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a
> ****-up!"
>
> 8. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty
> badly. He decided that
> he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store
> window, grab some
> booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and
> heaved it over his head
> at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit
> the would-be thief
> on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor
> store window was made
> of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on
> videotape.
>
> 9. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience
> store, a man
> grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911
> immediately, and the
> woman was able to give them a detailed description
> of the snatcher.
> Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher.
> They put him in the
> car and drove back to the store. The thief was then
> taken out of the car
> and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which
> he replied, "Y es,
> officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the
> purse from."
>
> 10. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a
> man walked into a
> Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m.,
> flashed a gun, and
> demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he
> said he couldn't
> open the cash register without a food order. When
> the man ordered onion
> rings, the clerk said they weren't available for
> breakfast. The man,
> frustrated, walked away.
>
> A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
>
> 11. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a
> motor home parked on
> a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained
> for. Police arrived
> at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next
> to a motor home near
> spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man
> admitted to
> trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose
> into the motor
> home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the
> vehicle declined to
> press charges, saying that it was the best laugh
> he'd ever had!