Noel Stephenson · Oct 25, 2005 10:02 AM
#0 source
The European Commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phased plan for what will be known as Euro-English, Euro for short.
In the first year “s” will be used instead of the short “c”. Sertainly, Sivil Servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard “c” will be replased with “k”. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one letter less. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome “ph” will be replased with “f”, and “th” with “z”. Zis will make words like “fotograf” som 20 persent shorter.
In the zird year, publik akseptanse of ze new spelling kan be expekted to reach ze stage when more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage ze abolition of double letters, which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre zat ze horible mes of silent leters in ze language is disgrasful and zey to woud disaper.
By ze forz yer, peple wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “w” wiz “v” and “y” viz “i”.
During the fifz yer, ze unesesari “o” or “u” kan be droped from vords kontaning “ou”. Zis vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinashuns of leters (diftongs).
After ze fifz yer ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zere vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
Ze drem vil finali hav kum tru!