2:Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."
3:Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
4:If your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
5:Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ##### and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time," would pretty much do it.
6:Birth control would come in ale or lager.
7:The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
8:"Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
9:At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.
10:Tanks would be far easier to rent.
11:Garbage would take itself out.
12:Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."
13:Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"
14:Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
15:On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too.
16:St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same.
But it would be celebrated every month.
17:Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.
18:Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.
19:The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.
20:The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.
21:It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
22:Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
23:When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine.
As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."
24:Faucets would run "Hot," "Cold," and "100 proof."
25;People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
26:aisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.
27:ephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.